Hail to the King!

I don't like Bruno Mars. Nothing wrong with him as a person, as far as I know, unless he goes all O.J. Simpson on us. I don't like his music. I'm not going to trash him or anything, but I feel like if he sang about Duke Nukem, his songs wold be better.

"Gonna rip off your head, and shit down your neck,
Heck, I might even go medieval on your ass,
Nobody's gon' tell me I can't."

And who is Duke Nukem, you non-gaming "experience the outdoors"-type people might ask? Duke Nukem is the King. He's the Elvis Presley - no, the Chuck Norris of video games.

See those? This guy's got BALLS OF STEEL! More balls than Michael Phelps and Randy Moss put together - well, actually that wouldn't be so tough, because of all of the steroids. Get it? Yeah, you get it. Good.