Retards Attempting Poetry

R.A.P. = Retards Attempting Poetry

Some people I know just can't rhyme. I don't know if it's like some sort of disability, but it's like they're just unable to rhyme two things on the spot. I've seen kids try to free-style, some of them better than others, some of them not. I mean, it's entertaining to listen to, if they're just being funny, but the serious amateur rap battles I've seen all sucked. I feel I should give you an example of what one of the rap battles started with:

"Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, what, gangsta, mhm, oh yeah, you look like a faggot and you smell like bob saget, yo."

At what point does one of them just laugh and say, "Yeah, well, I did your mom."?

Congratulations, you managed to rhyme "faggot" with "bob saget". You're a true poet, and Vanilla Ice would be proud, if he weren't too busy making shitty TV shows and tweeting stupid shit. Here's an article about him thinking that "Justin Bieber's fifteen minutes are almost up". Oh, I'm sorry, Ice, and what minute are you on again? Despite the fact that I don't especially like either of you, I won't shy away from admitting that he's doing a whole lot better than you are - every 12 year-old girl in North America is in love with him, including you.


And with that, I take my leave, but remember, you can't spell crap without rap!

Beards, and the people that have them.

There are many different types of beards and moustaches, such as the Fu-Manchu. I like that one.

Now here's what I'm going to do in this blog: I'll take a bunch of completely different people, each of them with a different beard from the last, and I'll write below what they're hiding from society.

 Type of beard: Santa

What he's hiding: Catnip for elves, lost childhood and sorrow

Type of beard: Killus Ze Jews

What he's hiding: His career

Type of beard: Scruffy

What he's hiding: The rest of his hair

Type of beard: Sextuple Curler
What he's hiding: Nothing. This guy is just awesome.

Me Gusta. Te Gusta?

I remember being in the beautiful beaches of Portugal and thinking I would use the only Spanish terms I knew at the time: Me gusta (I like) and Tu madre (Your mom). The two obviously don't go well together, which I learned first-hand, but I don't want to get into that right now.

There were these girls sitting on the beach one day, and my friend, who was visiting us, told me to go say hi. Not really knowing what to do, I kind of just went up to them and said, "Mmmmm! Me gusta!" The girls had no idea what I meant, seeing as they were Portuguese, but the creepy, fat, naked Spanish guy ten feet away from them did. He found that quite funny. I got him back, though, because when he decided to take a nap, I called the coast-guard and said I had found a sunburned beached whale.

My Moment

Rebecca Black has released a new song on July 18th, 2011, on YouTube and iTunes entitled "My Moment". She's obviously trying to do one of the following two things:

a) Redeem herself for the monstrosity that is "Friday".

b) Make more money off of people who hate her.

This is why people shouldn't buy her music. She's either completely deluded and thinks that's she's actually a good singer, or she just knows that people hate her so much that they'll buy anything she puts out, and that will make a lot more money for her. Obviously, the people who are helping her think the latter.

So to all of you people who think she's awful, but you bought her song on iTunes solely to laugh at it and only play it once before deleting it because it's "awful", you just wasted money and supported her. Good job.

By the way, here are some statistics about her new video on YouTube:

Views as of 1:00 AM on July 21st, 2011 - 8,954,859
Likes vs. Dislikes - 159,700 likes vs. 290,730 dislikes.

Guess what?

Guess what?

CHICKEN BUTT!

You have no idea how awkward it is having people walk past me while I search "chicken bending over" and "chicken ass". The things I do for a laugh...

Learn 2 Internet

This is my blog.

I'm not going to show you how to use the internet, because if you managed to get onto my blog in the first place, you're off to a good start.

I feel like I haven't really put enough effort into this blog yet, so here's a picture of a redneck trailer-park:

Actually, this might just be an artist's recreation of Megaton from Fallout 3. At some point did someone step in and say, "Hey now, this don't seem like a good ah-deaar!"